What to Say When You Hate Your Grandbaby’s Name
When you first heard your grandchild's name announcement, did your heart sink a little? You're not alone—many grandparents struggle with names they find modern, old-fashioned, or weird. The good news? There's a path forward that preserves family relationships while helping you embrace your grandchild's identity. Discover why your initial reaction is normal, what never to say to the parents, and how 75% of grandparents who initially disliked a name learned to love it over time.
When the announcement came through—whether by text, phone call, or in person—you probably felt a rush of excitement. Your grandchild finally had a name! But were you one of the many grandparents who immediately thought, "Really? That's what they chose?"
If this sounds familiar, you're not alone. In a poll on Gransnet, one in five grandparents admitted to genuinely disliking their grandchild's chosen name. In our own recent poll of grandparents, 29% disliked names they felt were too modern, 22% struggled with names that seemed too old-fashioned, and nearly half—49%—simply found their grandchild's name too unusual or "weird."
Some grandparents shared specific concerns that reveal just how hard it is to please everyone. Some struggled with unusual spellings that seemed needlessly complicated. Others objected to their grandchild being named after a cartoon character or sharing a name with "an awful kid who lived next door." Some grandparents found themselves grappling with traditionally male names given to girls, official names that seemed more like nicknames, or names they'd never heard before and couldn't pronounce. On the flip side, some grandparents worried their grandchild's name was too common and they'd be lost in a sea of other children with the same name.
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Perhaps most challenging are names that carry negative associations—whether it's remembering a difficult distant relative who was an alcoholic or simply knowing someone unpleasant who shared that name.
While the reasons are as individual as families themselves, having strong negative feelings about your grandchild's name is both common and normal. However, what you do with those feelings makes all the difference in your future as a grandparent.
Why grandparents have strong feelings about baby names
Names carry a lot of weight. They connect us to family history, cultural traditions, and personal memories. When parents choose a name that feels foreign to your experience or expectations, it can feel like a rejection of your family legacy.
You might wonder if they considered family names at all, or whether they're deliberately choosing something that distances them from your side of the family. These feelings are understandable, but they often stem from assumptions rather than reality.
Many modern parents approach naming differently than previous generations did. They have access to global naming trends, they prioritize individual expression, and they often blend traditions from multiple family lines. What feels like a rejection of your values might actually be their attempt to honor multiple influences in their child's life.
What not to say when you dislike your grandchild's name
Here's what you absolutely must not do: express your dislike to the parents. This cannot be emphasized enough. While you don't need to fake overwhelming enthusiasm, sharing your negative opinion serves no positive purpose. In fact, it can cause lasting damage to your relationship with your adult child and their partner.
That same Gransnet poll reported that 2% of grandparents have experienced a falling-out with their adult children over a grandchild's name. Think about that for a moment: your opinion about a name is not worth the risk of damaging the relationship that allows you to be part of your grandchild's life.
This is one of the earliest moments in grandparenting, and learning to manage your initial reactions will serve you well throughout your grandparenting journey. There will be many decisions your adult children make that feel unexpected or challenging to you. How you handle this one sets the tone for future disagreements.
How to question parents’ choice of baby names without being critical
If you can manage it without revealing your negative feelings, try asking the parents about the significance of their choice. Approach this with genuine curiosity rather than hidden criticism. You might say something like, "I'd love to know what drew you to that name" or "Does the name have special meaning for you?"
Their explanation might completely change your perspective. Perhaps the name honors a beloved friend who died young, connects to their heritage in a way you hadn't considered, or represents qualities they hope to see in their child. Understanding their reasoning can help transform a name that seemed random or thoughtless into something meaningful and intentional.
Even if their reasons don't immediately win you over, knowing that the choice was deliberate and heartfelt can help you respect their decision. This is about building empathy and connection, not necessarily changing your mind.
Why most grandparents learn to love their grandchild’s name
Here's some encouraging news: more than 75% of grandparents who initially disliked their grandchild's name report that they grew to accept or even love it over time. This isn't just about getting used to it—it's about the powerful connection between names and the people who carry them.
Once you have a real, delightful baby to associate with that name, everything changes. The name stops being an abstract concept you're judging and becomes part of the identity of someone you love deeply. That challenging name becomes the sound you call when you want hugs, the word that makes a little face light up, and eventually, the name that brings a smile to your face just by hearing it.
This process happens naturally for most grandparents, but you can help it along by focusing on building a strong relationship with your grandchild rather than dwelling on your feelings about their name.
Why creating a nickname for your grandchild isn't the answer
When you're struggling with your grandchild's name, you might find yourself thinking, "What if I just called them something else? A cute nickname that feels more comfortable to me?" While this impulse is understandable, it's important to recognize that creating your own alternative name isn't really a solution—and it can actually create bigger problems.
The urge to rename your grandchild because you don't like their given name essentially communicates to the parents that you don't respect their choice. Even if you frame it as a "special grandparent name," when the motivation is your discomfort rather than genuine affection, it can feel like you're rejecting their child's identity.
Consider how this might affect your relationship with your grandchild as they grow older. Children are remarkably perceptive, and they will pick up on the fact that Grandma or Grandpa never uses their real name. This can send the message that something is wrong with who they are, or it can make them see you as distant and unaccepting.
If a truly affectionate nickname develops naturally as part of your relationship—something that comes from love rather than avoidance—that's different. But using a nickname as a way to avoid saying your grandchild's actual name isn't building connection; it's creating distance.
The healthier approach is to work on accepting and embracing the name their parents chose, even if it takes time. This shows respect and flexibility that makes grandparents valued members of the family team.
How your response to your grandchild’s name affects family relationships
Remember that your response to your grandchild's name is really about something much larger: supporting your adult child's parenting decisions even when they differ from what you would choose. This is fundamental to successful grandparenting in today's world.
Your adult children are establishing themselves as parents and making decisions that feel right for their family. When you respond to their choices with curiosity rather than criticism, you demonstrate that you respect their role as parents and want to be a supportive presence in their family's life.
This approach will serve you well as your grandchild grows and you encounter other parenting decisions that might surprise you—from feeding choices to discipline styles to educational philosophies. The pattern you establish now of seeking to understand rather than judge will strengthen your relationship with both the parents and your grandchild.
Being flexible and open-minded will make you the kind of grandparent your family truly values—one who prioritizes relationships over preferences and chooses connection over conflict.
Get more support for modern grandparenting challenges
Navigating situations like this one is just the beginning of learning how to thrive as a modern grandparent. From understanding new parenting practices to building stronger relationships with your adult children, there's so much to discover about this important role.
If you want to be the supportive, valued grandparent your grandchildren deserve, sign up for my weekly email updates. You’ll get research-based insights, practical strategies, and inspiration for every step of your grandparenting journey.
Have you experienced initial doubts about your grandchild's name that changed over time? What helped you adjust to choices that felt surprising at first? Share your experience to help other grandparents navigate this common challenge with grace and wisdom.
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